Jan 04

爱情的条件:爱情顾问教你挽救婚姻中的爱情

作者: 如果爱 iflove.com 陈家伟爱情秘籍

爱情的条件:爱情是有条件的,婚姻也不是自由的。爱情顾问恼羞成怒:如何挽救婚姻中的爱情,怎么把握爱情婚姻的3个层次呢?事业条件与爱情条件区别何在,如何把握爱情的本质,爱情的条件对我们有什么影响?爱情的条件对我们的重要性将直接影响我们婚姻的和谐度。《爱情的条件:爱情顾问教你挽救婚姻中的爱情》,如果爱www.iflove.com即将为您分解,爱情的条件不容错过,敬请关注!Coming up next, Facing the Reality of Love: How to Grasp Love and Romance, here we shall peruse now.

中文标题:爱情的条件:爱情顾问教你挽救婚姻中的爱情
English Title: Facing the Reality of Love: How to Save Love in Your Marriage

中文关键词:爱情,婚姻,评论员文章, 繁衍后代, 谈恋爱, 恋爱,结婚婚礼,爱情顾问
中英双语说明:本文系中英双语,中文关键词如上,英语关键词如下。如果出现不对照现象,请及时在后面的留言评论中指出!谢谢!
Keywords: Love, Marriage, Review, Multiply, in love, fall in love, Marry, Wedding Ceremony, Hitch

Facing the Reality of Love: How to Save Love in Your Marriage

Love is where expectations are absent.

Normally, our relations do not meet this requirement, because if we do something for someone it is in the expectation of return in some form. The expectation is the poison that, even in trace quantity, spoils the whole sweetness of our relations.

A comment may be, that even in absence of such love the world is going on; then why bother about such love? The intricacy of relations is realized when we are the victim of bitterness and retaliate with our whole might. But the situation gets out of hand. However, worldly relations mostly are continued due to some binding conditions or for the sake of reputation.

The situation may turn even worse when we are thinking rigidly. Though we may claim that we are on a learning path, in reality we may not be. Evaluation of our own self is always biased, unless one is a saint. In this world wise people are much less present (consider a saying that common sense is not so common), and it is not so easy to find one. Even if we come across such a one, we try to evaluate him first, to see whether he is fit for the purpose.

The real situation is the mob mentality we have adopted. The crowd, pelting the stone at a helpless woman, is under the impression that it is punishing a real rogue in society. These people are also seeing themselves as fit to carry out this act. Only the intervention of Jesus Christ can save her without much of a problem. He is aware of the erring nature of mankind. The situation is that of a jail in which one culprit is punishing the other for wrong deeds, and seeing no blemish on himself.

Let us not think even of punishing others, nor of taking revenge. Rather, we should adopt a technique to search ourselves honestly. Let us disperse like the crowd that felt the depth of the words of Christ. But, alas! after that only a few will adopt a sinless life.

The fact remains that eternal peace is guaranteed for those who believe in the words of saints and follow them in action, character and thinking. The path is not easy but worth trying.

and still coming up short. Sometimes you don’t really want it all and sometimes it’s all you want. Then sometimes, sometimes you’re sitting quietly doing nothing but watching the wheels go round and it sneaks up on you. These sometimes, are the best of times. The unexpected can be a bit dangerous especially in your expectations in life. We want to know what’s coming, yet we maintain the quality that we are just hanging out, shooting the breeze and carelessly skimming through life. Then there are the few of us who will admit to being different, or perhaps we are just a little too honest. We analyze, we obsess, we count and we keep score. We are the ones who may not be looking, but know everybody else who has already found “it.” We know what the odds are that on a random Tuesday Mr. or Ms. Right could come walking into our lives, so we gamble. We gamble with this insight and use it for and against us. We hide in the shadows and know when to make our appearance. We know when to hold ‘em and we know when to fold ‘em. Insight like this is hardly wasted, or is it?

Holding hope and love in the palm of your hand. Maybe it is just a little too spent, spent on the fact that we seemingly torture ourselves again and again. We take progress as a downfall. Or we try to rationalize our thinking in ways that seem profound, even to us. Yet we are the dreamers. We dream of a life and a love far away. Far away and staying there. It’s the close encounters that scare the hell out of us. In turn the problem with being a dreamer is reality tends to crush us, sinking into our psyche like the nail into the coffin. We are our own worst enemy and then some. But on the contrary we tend to be bit by the love bug in the same way everyone else is, maybe we are not so different. Still we’d like to think we are for its far easier to remain different than to be indifferent. We rule with reality, but a reality of the past. A reality that no longer holds true but prevents us from moving forward. If only we could move forward we might be taken on the ride of our lives. Instead we shrug into the comfort of being a self proclaimed failure until and only if we are lucky enough, someone gives us a chance. Someone that takes us so by surprise that we fall off of our pedestal and come back down to reality, except this time it’s the actual reality.

Maybe we aren’t so bad. Maybe we aren’t a group of revelers and playboys. Maybe there is hope that someone can see us as we are. Someone who can see through the larger than life persona that gets us through the tough times. Maybe, just maybe, that stone wall can crack a little and some of the warmth can find its way in. In an uncertain world one thing is for sure, there is always room for maybe. As long as there is a possibility, we can keep going. Breaking down the walls of doubt and regret and rebuilding ourselves as many times as we have to. Sometimes you’re not sure and sometimes you know for certain. Sometimes the walls will all fall down and leave you exposed. Sometimes you can hide and sometimes you just can’t catch a break. Sometimes you fall and sometimes you have to pick yourself up again and start walking. Then sometimes, sometimes you find a hand to hold and that can change your whole perspective.

爱情的条件:爱情顾问教你如何挽救爱情婚姻

事业本质与爱情条件

从3年前开始,笔者受某个美国爱情顾问和管理专家的影响,一直在研究一些相关行业的本质,试图根据这个专家提供的本质模型,找出笔者所涉及的一些行业的本质,以帮助笔者的客户把握行业本质并达到他们的赢利目的,为企业求得长期的发展。

在爱情顾问研究的过程中,笔者忽然对人类生活的主要内容“爱情”这个东西的本质究竟是什么,产生了想弄清楚它的冲动,因为在此之前,笔者曾经深受一个西方哲学家的观念影响,他认为,人类的生命只有短暂的三步,第一步生命诞生,第二步,是追求和享受爱情,第三步是生命死亡,他认为人类活着最重要的目的就是爱情,其它元素都是围绕这爱情这一核心而展开的。这个理论一直影响着笔者,使笔者成了一个真正的爱情至上主义者。

一个企业把握了行业本质就能获得成功,那么人类如果把握了爱情的条件,我们的社会就会有更多的幸福和快乐,因为只有把握了爱情的条件,你才能真正拥有它。

如果按照化妆品行业的本质:第一步是安全的需求,第二步是功效的保证,第三步是消费者与品牌产生共鸣的三层梯进模型为参照,笔者觉得爱情的条件也有三个层次,我们来分析一下爱情的条件模型和它的三个层次。

爱情条件的模型分析

爱情条件第一层:彼此的吸引——对异性的本能吸引。爱情不是性需要,虽然性离不开爱情,所以,爱情条件的第一步,应该是对异性所产生的本能的吸引,这个吸引有对外表美的吸引和言语好感的吸引以及个人心态的吸引;所以,这一步应该是非常感性的,缺乏必要的理性,由此,也常常造成一见钟情的发生。

爱情条件第二层:互相的拥有——对异性内心和身体的完全拥有。爱情是无形的精神元素,却也往往跟物质紧密相联,在爱情条件达到第一层以后,爱情的双方会开始追求对方,目的是要完全的拥有对方,这一层次的恋爱双方,开始加入部分的理性,甚至理性多于感性了。男人要考虑自身的能力知识、经济、身体),女人要考虑对方的条件(人品、经济、爱的态度),这些理性有些会分化第一层的冲动元素,很多刚刚燃起的爱火,就在这一层被无情地熄灭了,但也有很多爱的嫩芽则在这里开始健康成长;

爱情条件第三层:归宿和共享——人总是要有归宿感的,因为个体的人,生活在一个大的社会中,总是需要一种安全感,这个时候父母年龄大了,自己独立了,人类本能的传宗接待的隐性任务也落到了我们的头上,而在达到了爱情的第二层既互相拥有了爱情以后,双方的想法开始转入更实际的第三层,就是双方共同组建一个新的家庭组织,并成为自己未来生活的归宿,找到了在大社会中无法得到的安全感,但这只是这一层次的第一步,接下来夫妻双方会将爱的快乐、性的快乐、生活的快乐以及对未来生活的美好向往进行共享,彼此之间会有更多对生活感悟和认识的共享,从而达到爱情的真正本质。

如何把握爱情条件

忽略行业本质或者偏离行业本质,企业就会衰亡,爱情也一样,如果无法把握爱的本质,爱情的生命就不会长久,爱情条件的三个层次都非常重要,且一环扣一环,缺一不可!如果你把握了第一层,而无法把握第二层,爱情同样会失败,惟有把三个层次完全地把握好了,你的爱情才会健康发展,真正地达到百年好合。

成功的爱情,都是把握了爱情的条件,而失败的爱情自然偏离或者根本无法把握爱情的条件。譬如,如果无法达到彼此的吸引——这个爱情条件第一层,仅仅只是一方的单相思,爱情肯定不会有成就,很多痴情的傻瓜,就栽在这里;而如果缺乏彼此吸引——这个感性因素,却以过分理性的条件去匹配,比如,门当户对和理性超越感性,只对他的钱财感兴趣,考虑实际的生活远远多于内心的好感,这同样也是很多同床异梦婚姻的原因。

达到第一层次的男女,你们有幸了!因为爱情的基础已经扎实,关键是如何真正的把喜欢的一方真正拥有,这个时候,男女双方的自身素质和背景显的尤其重要,尽管很多女人会表示,只要他人好,爱笔者,其它可以不在乎,说是这么说,但生活毕竟是生活,很多东西我们是无法故意忽略掉的,所以,恋爱双方要开始冷静下来,理性地思考这一层次的所有问题。譬如,如果没有足够的经济,但为了想拥有对方,男人会发奋图强,去创造物质基础,女人也会支持他配合他共同创造,这样他们才能把握这一层次,达到真正的拥有。发之,刚刚燃起的爱情之火就得无情熄灭。

所以,这一层次中的好感成分必须要发扬广大,要检查自己为什么喜欢对方?究竟喜欢哪里?他(她)为什么现在不吸引笔者了,为什么?笔者能做些哪方面的努力才能够重新达到彼此的喜欢程度呢?这是恋爱中男女要思考的问题。这样才能达到长久的互相拥有对方。

爱情进入到第三层次,男女双方的把握能力的要求更好,因为接下来彼此有非常漫长的路要走,很多夫妻结婚以后,认为反正笔者是他老婆了(反正他是笔者老婆了)就不在延续第一第二层次的努力,从而影响了第三层次的把握,最后导致离婚。所以这一层次需要双方更多的照顾体贴,尤其是心灵的沟通,因为爱情条件的核心思想,是真诚的付出而不是索取。

人有了归宿感,并不表示他(她)的追求已经终止,所以彼此生活经验、快乐、性爱的共享是这一层次最核心的本质,男女双方必须认识这一层次的核心思想,使的双方永远保持着归宿感的安全和共享生活的幸福感。

爱情条件对我们的影响

虽然笔者这里谈的是爱情的条件,其实我们人类的一生不就是因为爱情的作用才导致了我们整个一生的幸福与悲伤吗?

笔者个人觉得,对爱情条件的分析,使笔者认清了一些基本概念,首先,爱情确实不是互相匹配,而是来自本身的互相吸引;其次必须是绝对的忠诚!无论哪一方必须确认对方是笔者这一生的所爱,笔者愿意为一辈子爱他(她)并愿意为之牺牲一切!这中间绝对不能有一丝一毫的虚情假意乃至暗地里的背叛,而爱的本质告诉我们,如果你偏离了爱的本质,你将受到一定的惩罚,因为上帝是公正的!

而创造物质条件的过程是双方共同的努力,同时也讲究社会的分工。在笔者的世界观里,笔者一直认为,女人是上帝创造出来装饰这个黑白世界的,她不是来受苦受难,而是来享受生活的!虽然男人必须要靠自己的努力去创造财富,但男人的创造力是由女人的爱激发出来的,这就是术有专攻——女人做女人的事,男人想男人的事,各自都是为了一个目标——共筑美好爱情生活! 可惜,弄到现在,我们很多人依然在各自为政,女人因为无法从男人身上得到安全感而要自己去拼搏。

关于爱情中的财富问题,笔者更有感触,笔者一直觉得既然两个人恩爱了,财富就不分你笔者,是属于这个小家的,你中有笔者,笔者中有你的,但是,当前的社会却不是这样的,譬如笔者有一个开广告公司的朋友,好不容易在深圳找到了彼此恩爱的女友,但他在结婚前竟然要求与未婚妻进行婚前财产公证!以确保以后离婚了,婚前财产依然只属于他一个人的!!!笔者不知道他的未婚妻是怎样想的,但笔者真的不法接受,刚开始简直无法相信,笔者在想,既然彼此无法信任,没有信心走到老,又何必说爱?更又何必结婚在一起???

笔者是不喜欢这样,爱一个人,就准备着付出,笔者所有经过努力创造的财产,就是为了等待一个笔者爱的女人来共享,哪怕这个女人最后欺骗了笔者,那也是她的本事,毕竟她能骗得笔者感觉不到!

女人真的不必要把生命中主要的精力投放在供房或者做事业上,而是好好把自己打扮的美丽点性感一点,多用点心思如何去爱一个男人,并最终彻底的俘虏他,使他成为自己的终身奴隶!同理,男人也应该努力创造财富的同时,更要照顾女人的精神世界,专心爱女人,为她付出所有,以真诚去俘虏女人的爱和身体!

所以说,爱情条件的三个层次,必须都要把握好每一个环节,一个环节出了问题就全盘皆输。而为了我们的幸福,你必须要认清爱情的条件,不要做盲目爱情的牺牲者!

感情本身就是种美好的事物,它的出现自然也离不开美的作用,人类正是由于美的存在才诞生了爱,又因为爱的作用而愈来愈美。美感就是一种精神上的和谐感受。当一个人觉得某个事物很美的时候,那么这个事物在其大脑中的“映像”必定是非常和谐的,当这个映像形成的精神活动能够有效地牵动大脑中主管欢快情绪的“前色带”时,甜美的爱的感觉也便产生了。可以说,爱情是一种其乐无穷的书,内容当然是五花八门、丰富多采又温馨浪漫的。只要双方对阅读此类书产生了浓厚兴趣,使之成为了与生活浑然一体的组成部分,那就会积极地促进学习或工作。当然,读爱情这种书也要注意选择健康的内容,要能做到不把爱情建立在低级的欲望上。读什么?怎么读?甚至怎么写?才是最关键也最难处理和把握的事情。愿天下的男人和女人回归爱的本质——我们都迷失了,而且太远太远……

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